Back in the Game

WOW.

So one day I looked up at the calendar and realized it's been almost TWO MONTHS since I've had a "quality" update. I didn't realize how much blogging had attached itself to my life and mental clarity until, I stopped writing for awhile. Alas, it's like riding a bike...you never really forget how to do it. Let your heart do the talking, and fingers do the work.

Check.

So...where was I ?

OH yea...last I wrote I was at the the half way point in my traineeship experience in Tunisia, and I was actually heading back home to Chicago, IL to take care of some business. That business mostly being a grossmen for one of my best friend's weddings.

By the way...congratulations once again to Mr. and Mrs. DeJesus, Jr. You guys are my heros, and a true vision of love and the "good things" that are still possible in this world.

It is a little known fact that as a visitor in Tunisia, any person is given a "grace" period for how long they can stay without a visa. For Americans that time happens to be 4 months. In order to keep your " visitor " status ( similar to just being a full-time tourist ), you must leave the country for at least 2 weeks.

So...I stayed home for 2 weeks.

Now, I have to clarify ( if I didn't I'd hear it from my Mom and Sister again), that I wasn't really at "home" as much as I was in America. In total, I was in Chicago more than any other place, but that doesn't necessarily count I guess.

All in all I spent time in the beautiful states of Illinois, Indiana, Georgia, Minnesota, and Wisconsin.

I had all the deep dish pizza, italian beefs, pulled pork, sweet tea, sweet corn, cheese curds, fried cheese curds, and a drink from Minnesota ( they have nature, not good food ).

It truly was an amazing experience, most people do not get the chance to "go back" during their traineeships, but I was fortunate enough to be able to see the people that I miss and love, and tell them all ( well, as much) , as I could about Tunisia and my experiences here.

Most people , on both sides of the world asked me..." Why are you going ( or coming ) back to Tunisia if you can just stay home now? "

As peculiar as it may sound, I had to.

There are a plethora of reasons why I could have stayed, but there were just as many bringing me back.

The obvious one being, I had to complete my job / work at Swicorp.

Less, obvious was the fact that due to my experiences in Tunisia, I had changed so much, and now my "home" didn't really feel the way I remembered, and everywhere I had once been familiar with was now..."different", and "not mine" any longer...leaving me with a "visitor's" feeling in my own country.

I also had knew that there were personal ties with my friends, and colleagues that, I just couldnt' leave " empty handed."

At this point, I will endulge on this experience a bit...

I remember the night was I leaving, packing up my bags, ( lots of gifts, and clothes to clean...yea I missed "machine" washers ), and it was almost surreal looking into the eyes of my colleagues, and friends, as they all seemed to wonder "If" and "How" I would come back, and so did I.

It was a fairly sublime moment that lingered in my throughout my trip....and it was most evident in Milan, Italy.

I remember sitting there and listening to people...and I first heard "my" english again from a woman on the bus from the plane to the gate. Without snooping too much in her conversation, I discovered she was from Atlanta, GA and was going home to see her family, but coming back to Tunis to work, in a week.

Nothing spectacular.

But...I was completely taken aback.

As I sat in the airport I was thrust into this "western" enviornment and the world seemed brighther, loader, and just..."weirder" that I recalled.

English was not the strangest thing for me to hear, especially as fluently and abundant as it was being spoken.

Once on the plane, the stewardess asked me a question to the extent of " Would you like a drink" and without hesitation I said " Oui. "

DOH!

Going to America...right...you're still American....Got it! ....This is your native tonque...Check!

The rest of my journey was like a distant reverie.

All I wanted to do was "soak" in as much of the fond memories and sit with as many loved ones as possible.

But I, somehow, just couldn't shake this lingering feeling that had now become an articulated thought....

" I can never go back. "

This was, in a way, my culture shock. My "what the crap is going on?" and "who moved my cheese" moment. I started to be able to pinpoint, all the differences , good and less good, between Tunis and the US. Somethings made me angry, some made me smile, and some...I'm still figuring out what they make me feel.

Now, of course a person can always " return " to wherever he or she is from, or has an affinity for...but I felt as if I always...people always, want to go back to the way things were..."JUST LIKE THEY WERE" and in so doing....we miss so much of the world and life that is happening now.

Once I left Chicago...and the US for the that matter...everything I knew was "normal" and "right" had completely changed.

When I arrived in Tunis, I fought for that sense of "normalcy" again...and once I found it...
I left.

Now, I'm back in Tunis...and ever since EVERYTHING has taken on a new identity, a new presence, and although I am comfortable here...I am still not satisfied...and most importantly...I feel as if I'm ready for my adventure.

We are just given these precious moments in life, why spend thing searching for the past?

When we should be molding, shaping, and embracing our future?

Once again...change is very scary. Moving your life, challenging your norms...will consistently rattle your " cage "...but in the end...isn't that what great "stories" are made of ?

I'm still trying to find a balance, after having been quite shaken.

I'm still here, and I'm couldn't be happier to be back in Tunis.